What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
