So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
