well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
