You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
