My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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