One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize