whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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