so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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