Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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