after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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