why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
