she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
