Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He shit in the fireplace
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
