You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My feet surprised me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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