i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
