Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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