I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
