Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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