Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
