i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize