Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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