my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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