I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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