At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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