I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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