I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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