Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
