My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
