i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
