If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
