wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
