Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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