JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
