mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
