I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we should paint friendship bongs
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