I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
