My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
