She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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