i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
