At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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