dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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