OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
