You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
