i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
