Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
