No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
