Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
