Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
