Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize