Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
