were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
