dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize