I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
