Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
