is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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