forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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