i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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