So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i've created a new STD.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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