Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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