Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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