he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
