Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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