I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
