So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
