just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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