im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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