Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
