He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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