her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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