What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
