She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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