There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
