69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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