I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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