I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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