so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize