Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
