And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
