in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
