come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
