He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize