Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
