Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize