I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
