I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
