everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
