90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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