I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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