Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
