I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
