So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
