I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize