Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
