are you still at the devil's house?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
