she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize