did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize