I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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