the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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