Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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