Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
