I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
