We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
