Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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