Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
