Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
