yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Houston, we have a squirter
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
