HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
