One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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