Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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