I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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