Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize