first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
