This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
