Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
