He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they need to just BURY HIM!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
