All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
