I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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