I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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