I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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