ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
