You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
