I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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