My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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