Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
