I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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