I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
